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call me corporate ghetto

For each of these, I can think of someone in my office who has done it.

You know you are CORPORATE GHETTO if two or more of the following are true:

1. You don't officially start working in the morning until you read your emails.
2. You have at least one drawer/cabinet that contains more food than office supplies.
3. Not only do you know all the security guards, janitors and cafeteria workers, one of them has asked you out on a date.
4. Your version of a conference call is when you call your friends and plan what you are doing for the weekend.
5. The only time your man/woman picks you up from work is on payday.
6. Friends and family members call you at work to cuss you out because you didn't answer your phone quick enough.
7. You paint your nails at your desk.
8. When you are on a personal call you, laugh so loud your co-workers on the other side of the office come and ask you what's so funny.
9. You have pictures on your wall with you and your friends at the club.
10. To beat the system, you have codes for personal calls that let someone know to call you right back. (Let the phone ring two times and call me right back).
11. You give your out-of-town friends your company's 1-800 number.
12. Before calling in sick, you rehearse your sick voice and sick story several times out loud.
13. Coworkers inquire how your father's surgery went that required you to be out for days and you don't even know who your daddy is.
14. You use the company's postage machine to stamp your personal mail.
15. Your kid's school supplies all have your company insignia on them; you order personal supplies for you and your kids.
16. You call in sick on payday Friday and send your cousin to pick up your paycheck. (Now THAT'S REAL ghetto!! Get direct deposit!!)
17. You contribute $1 to the office Christmas party, eat the most food and take a platter of lunchmeat and potato salad home to your family for dinner.
18. Before someone uses your telephone at your desk, they have to wipe the chicken grease off the handset.
19. You call in sick on Friday because you went out on Thursday.
20. You don't like your supervisor and a couple other coworkers and you tell them off on a regular basis and wonder why you haven't been promoted.
21. You get your haircut/hair done on lunch and come back two hours later and then ask, "Was anybody looking for me?".
22. You cuss your creditors out for calling you at work.
23. You come to work on Friday's dressed for the club.
24. Your kids call your job and say to the operator, "Let me speak to my Mama."
25. You are sitting there reading this instead of getting your work done.

under pressure

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heatswhen it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for thetemperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell hasf rozen over, it follows that it is not accepting anymore souls and is therefore, extinct... leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting" Oh my God.

"THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

20 baby killing questions

1) Should women who abort get life sentences in prison and/or the death penalty?

2) If a woman's husband knows she is aborting, should he be charged as an accessory to murder?

3) How about her friends who know?

4) Should abortion doctors receive life sentences in prison and/or the death penalty?

5) If a woman smokes during her pregnancy and the fetus dies as a result, should she be charged with murder?

6) If her husband knew she was a smoker and could kill the fetus, is he criminally negligent?

7) If a woman eats unhealthily during pregnancy and the fetus dies, should she be charged with negligent homicide?

8) If the husband knew, should he, too, be charged?

9) If a woman has a serious medical condition that would almost always lead to the death of a fetus, but gets pregnant anyway, should she be criminally liable if the fetus dies?

10) If her husband knew of this condition, should he, too, be criminally liable?

11) If a company manufactures a product which lights a fire in a fertility clinic, destroying 1500 frozen embryos, should they be liable for mass murder?

12) If an electric company has a power failure which cuts power to a fertility clinic, thawing embryos and rendering them unusable, should they be liable for mass murder?

13) If a pregnant woman reports to her doctor that she is smoking during her pregnancy, should her doctor be mandated to report it to the appropriate agency for dealing with child abuse?

14) If a woman has cancer and her chemotherapy kills a fetus, should she be given a life sentence and/or sentenced to die?

15) If her doctor was aware of her pregnancy, should he be charged as an accessory to murder?

16) Should children who are disabled be allowed to sue a parent for any negligent conduct during pregnancy that may have caused their disability -- for instance, smoking or consuming alcoholic beverages?

17) Should a person with 15 frozen embryos in storage be required to carry each embryo as soon as possible?

18) If I had 15 embryos in storage, should I be able to claim them as dependents on my tax paperwork?

19) If a government agency determined that a woman was being neglectful to her fetus during her pregnancy, should she be forced by the Department of Children and Families to care for the child and/or have it forcefully removed?

20) Should one in three American women be imprisoned or sentenced to death?

kindda make me wonder... is abortion really murder hmmmmmm

disconnected

I convinced myself that i really need to start writing things down. I tend to forget. I want to know what happened with my life or whats goin at least... I used to write and was very good at it but things got in the way. Now i try to connect again, hoping I can force myself to write and keep it up to date... dont worry its not all dead air.